Grace for the Stubborn Child

February 26, 2025 | by Emily Lukins

I want to tell you two stories about a little girl. 

One day, this toddler decides, “No, Mom. No, Dad. I don’t need your help putting on my pants, I can do it all by myself, thank you very much.”

But of course, the diaper is too bulky, and the pants have too much elastic, and she just can’t get the waistband all the way up. But does she need help? No, ma’am! She waddles around instead of walking, insisting on her own way.

And another day, she says, “Hey, I’d really like to go on the swings! But no, Mom. No, Dad. Not those swings outside. I want to swing on the tiny swing attached to the Little People playset in the toy room.”

And so she tries, and fails, the whole time insisting on her own way.

Did you guess? That little girl is me. And, thanks to my mom, I have the pictures to prove it. 

Now, as I look at my own little girl, I’m surprised by how such a tiny person can have so much stubborn willfulness. She still can’t say many words, so I was hoping we’d have a bit longer before we reached that stage. But even though she can’t say “no” or “mine” or “stop,” she can insist on a whole lot. 

I’m not surprised by her stubbornness, by her insisting on her own way, by her desire for independence. That was me. And when I look at her in those moments, I see myself.

In some of her stubborn moments, just like my mom, I take out the camera – like when she decides she absolutely cannot leave the house without bringing my left snow boot with her, or when she refuses to use a bib and ends up wearing more yogurt than she eats.

But other times, it’s not so funny, and not something I want to remember – like the tantrums that ensue when I say “no” to something unsafe, or the time it takes to get her out the door when she insists on putting on her shoes by herself – which, of course, she can’t. In these moments, I am working on showing her patience and grace.

As I work to be patient with her, it reminds me of how God our Father has patience and grace with his children, and especially with me. In my pride it’s easy for me to think that I can be independent, that I don’t need God’s help, that I can take care of myself. But the Bible tells us that “apart from [God we] can do nothing” (John 15:5) and that “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6).

Without God, I can do nothing to earn salvation. Without God, I will never measure up. And when I fall into the temptation of wanting to insist on my own way, or thinking I can work hard enough to please a holy God, I am just like a little child struggling against her parent in a fight she will inevitably lose.

But God is a good and loving and patient and gracious Father who loves his children and desires good for them. God looked on me with love and patience to save me from myself and my pride, to show me that I can’t rely on myself but only on Him, and that that is a good thing. It is okay that I bring nothing to the table to earn God’s favor. God is all that I need, and he says, “It is by grace you have been saved, through faith… not by works, so that no one can boast” (Eph. 2:8-9).

The humility of knowing I am not enough allows me to see God’s goodness even more: he is gracious to grant me salvation through his son Jesus Christ, a salvation I could never earn on my own.

As I try to help my daughter learn that things can’t always go her way and that she needs help, I find encouragement in what God has done in showing me the same thing: that I need to let go of my stubbornness and pride and ask God the Father to help me and change my ways. I will not (and I can’t) be a perfect parent to my little girl, and I don’t always have the patience that I should. But in the hardest of moments, I can have rest and peace in knowing that God is a good and perfect Father, whose ways are trustworthy, and who has shown me immeasurable patience and grace.

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About Emily Lukins