Ruth’s Story

April 23, 2025 | by Ruth Piotrowski

You don’t know what you don’t know until you know it. 

I used to think I knew it all. And what I was most certain about was my standing before God. 

I’m thankful my Christian parents taught me Bible stories and took me to church. I believed everything I was taught, including that Jesus was the only way to heaven and in order to go to heaven I had to accept Jesus as my savior. I only had to repeat the words of a prayer asking him to come into my heart and forgive me of my sins. To be safe, I repeated that prayer hundreds of times throughout my childhood.

I lived with the goal of not only being a good Christian, but being better than everyone else. I memorized the right answers and lived by Christian morals. I led Bible studies and sang on worship teams and went on mission trips and worked for Christian organizations. Eventually, I married Nathan, a Christian man who wanted to be a pastor, and we had two daughters and spent four years at seminary.

Nathan wanted to plant a church in his home state of Vermont. I did not want Nathan to start a church. I already had my ticket to heaven, so I didn’t need to do anything ‘extra’ for God. Nathan’s desire was the clear enemy of my goal to take it easy for the rest of my life. I fought moving to Vermont, but eventually gave in.

This led us to training through the NETS Residency Program. I figured the training was primarily for Nathan, that I was already prepared for my role as his wife. But what I wasn’t prepared for was Christ Memorial Church (CMC), the body of believers we would be part of while in the program. 

At CMC, I witnessed a gospel-centered people unreservedly committed to the Lord and to one another. I saw selfless love in action. I didn’t understand it, but I was happy to be on the receiving end. 

Still, I judged this church, especially for talking about sin excessively. I was okay with the familiar gospel: Jesus came to earth to live a perfect life and die as the perfect sacrifice in the place of sinners so they could be made right with God, then he rose again in victory. CMC shared this message at every opportunity, speaking much about God’s grace and mercy. But they also kept bringing up God’s wrath. This seemed off-putting and confusing for a message that should have been attractive and simple: pray the prayer, be respectful of others, and wait for heaven to be made perfect. 

The after-salvation part CMC preached was also suspect. I agreed that, when God saves, he makes his people new creations, giving them his Holy Spirit so they experience victory over sin and a sincere love for God and people. However, hearing that Christians should be progressively growing in a ‘faith that works’ made me uncomfortable. Christians stood apart because they had asked for forgiveness and received it. Their lives might not look different. Praying a prayer was enough. 

I wanted to be right. I needed to be right. But the Lord showed me that I was dangerously wrong.

When I was 33 years old and confident I had been a Christian for 28 years, God reached down and raised this dead sinner to life. He gave me a new heart and mind to understand the gospel: I finally saw my need for it! God opened my eyes to the sin that had been my master and had defined me. 

Because what I skipped in the summary of my life was my pattern of hidden sin. I was constantly anxious because of my distrust of the Lord. I was perpetually irritated with Nathan and so self-centered that I didn’t include him in my decision to stop having kids. I was nice to others, but on the inside, I envied and judged them. I continually lied to make myself look better. I honored Jesus with my lips, but my heart was far from him (Is. 29:13). I was powered by pride, lust, and self-righteousness. I had never loved God or surrendered my life to him. 

When the Lord showed me my sin, I was cut to the heart. I had repeatedly spit in the face of the one who made me. I had tried to steal glory from the only one who deserves it. I knew that I deserved hell. 

Thankfully, God didn’t leave me without hope. I knew the answer: Jesus! His punishment fit my crimes. I couldn’t believe he would take my place on the cross. God knew me completely, yet he still chose me as his daughter. He pursued me to show his rich love and mercy to a hypocrite like me.

And I loved him for it. 

I wasn’t suddenly perfect, but my heart took a real turn. I hated my sin, sin that put my God, my King, my friend, on that cruel cross. I had a new love for Nathan, and saw him as someone who was like Jesus – a loving and patient servant-leader. And when Nathan told me he wanted more kids, I prayed for God’s will to be done. God graciously answered with a son, and has helped me join with my husband in loving and guiding our kids in the fear of the Lord. 

I also saw my church not as a group of people wasting time, but as an eternal family with whom I wanted to join forces in love and service. I no longer looked at others with judgment and envy but with the realization of what real grace and forgiveness can do in a relationship. I had no more need to lie because the truth was so freeing! I continue to struggle with worry and pride, but God is helping me fall on my face before him more quickly and let go of the control I think I have.

God is making me new! I have victory through faith in Jesus and his finished work on the cross. I can repent of my sins, saying no to selfish desires and choosing God’s way. There’s nothing better than living a Spirit-powered life for his kingdom purposes. He will hold me fast until the end, and I can’t wait for the day when I am face to face with the Savior who surprised me with his salvation! “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast” (Eph. 2:8-9).

---

About Ruth Piotrowski